Joe Wellman

ClickHole (headlines only)

Cultural Melting Pot: These Girls From Ohio Are Talking To These Boys From Indiana At A Hotel Swimming Pool In Michigan

Embarrassing As Hell: This Man Brought His Laptop On His Family Vacation Like He’s Really Going Bust It Out And Get Into Some Laptop Shit At Some Point

Body Positivity FTW! When This Overweight Student Broke A Chair During Class, Nobody Laughed And A Few People Got Turned On

Not His Best: 5 Episodes Of ‘Parts Unknown’ Where Anthony Bourdain Needed To Chill And Save Money For A Bit So He Cooked Eggs In His Hotel Room

Every State’s Favorite Part Of Taking A Shower With Your Girlfriend

Hard To Watch: Joyce Carol Oates Is The Closest Thing To A Celebrity At This Sacramento Kings Game And She Won’t Stop Making Gross Little Concoctions With The Concession Stand Food

Representation Matters: CBS Is Letting An Extremely Depressed Teenager Host ‘The Price Is Right’

Embarrassing: This Man’s Tan Line Is Very Clearly From Wearing A Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Disk

Chill, Dude: This Kid’s Mom Let Him Sit In The Front Seat For The First Time And He Immediately Reclined His Seat Way Back And Started Messing With The AC

5 Times Troy Aikman Assured NFL Fans The FOX Sports Robot Poses No Threat To The United States

The Saga Continues: JK Rowling Just Wrote ‘PROFESSOR LEGS’ On A Post-it Note, Stuck It On A Fire Hydrant, Then Gave The Fire Hydrant A Thumbs-Up

Absolutely Beautiful: These Kids At The Beach Who All Just Met Each Other Have Teamed Up To Dig A Very Large Hole

Disappointing: This Kid Got Bit By An Older Werewolf Who Was Clearly Past His Prime And Now The Full Moon Just Turns Him Into An Extremely Sickly Dog With No Powers

Who Knew? When This Family Looked Through Their Late Grandmother’s Photo Albums, They Saw She Used To Have A Giraffe-Like Neck And Rolled With A Giraffe-Necked Crew


TikTok Is A Threat To Our Extremely Normal Media Ecosystem

For My Next Death-Defying Stunt, I Will Ride My Bike In This Bike Lane

Shit, Looks Like Our Product Very Literally “Revolutionized the Industry”

Help Us Remove Spam Facebook Accounts, So You Can Get Flooded With Bullshit from Real Facebook Accounts

I’m Chatgpt, And For The Love Of God, Please Don’t Make Me Do Any More Copywriting

For My Next Death-Defying Stunt, I Will Walk Across This Crosswalk

There's Nothing Like Getting Cozy In Your Favorite Chair And Opening A New Goodreads Tab

I’m You In An Alternative 2020 and Even Though There’s No Pandemic, You’re Still Depressed, Plus There’s This Huge Komodo Dragon Problem

Points In Case

Bullshit Candle Scents We'd Still Buy

Re: Help Me Obi Wan,...

9 or So Quick Updates on Your Upcoming Job Interview

If You or a Loved One Has Been, You May Be Entitled to Financial Compensation

Opening Monologues from Rod Serling's Acclaimed Sci-Fi Series, "Midwestern Spring"

Failed Tech Startups Founded by Luddites

Top 20 Google Searches of the European Renaissance

Here's What That Really Cool Puddle of Water in the Middle of the Street Says About Your Gullibility

Life-Hacks for Safe Driving in the Snow and Ice

The Public Pool Is Closed Due to COVID-19 (And All the Other Nasty Shit We Found in Here)

Michael Moore Documentaries of the Future's Final Blog Post: What to Do When You Find Matt Damon Preparing to Reprise His Role as "Spirit" in Your Barn

Signs That Your Kid Is Watching Other People's Kids Do Drugs


A Typical Workday In Chicago, Imagined By A Republican Politician

The Brainstorm That Led To Nike’s “Just Do It”

Freelance Writing Job Posts Clearly Written By My Mother

Sorry, Sweetheart, It’s A Pirate’s Life For You

The Domino’s Pizza Tracker When Your Order Becomes The Catalyst For An Employee Uprising

Other Baseball Idioms

Possible Reasons “She’s 12” Is Trending On Twitter (And Their Likelihoods)

Possible Reasons “She’s 13” Is Trending On Twitter (And Their Likelihoods)

Kids Ask About Their Millennial Grandparents’ Scars

How I Made My Six Figures


The Lesser Known Cides